Well, apparently being a dandelion does not preclude getting a sore throat, although I was under the impression that dandelions did not have throats. There have been all kinds of sickness going around, from flu to bronchitis to mono to strep, any one of which I might have, although they seem to think mono is most likely. I really hope not. Really. Thing is, I don’t know where I would have gotten it… One piece of good news was that you can get mono and not even know it. I thought that once you had mono, you were a vegetable for 2 months. And I didn’t want to become a vegetable - since I’m already a dandelion.

I was riding my bicycle the other day, just minding my own business, when suddenly my bike lurches violently and maliciously attacks my pant leg as it throws me into a wheelie. I was lucky it didn’t disable the brakes, so I slammed on those, but not before my bike had shredded my pant leg. Courdeuroy too! My thoughts when it happened: “Dangit! I’ll never be able to spell corduroy in the chronicles!” So my first self-lesson in sewing will be to basically reweave all 10000 strings of my right brown cuerderoi pant leg. Coincidently, I was wearing the shirt I really like, but has the armpit blown out (bad connotation?) from when I was flexi.. ahh.. putting it on one day. So I’m lucky people weren’t caling the police about the ragged bum wandering through campus that night…

When not expecting it, “fringe cases” spoken sounds a lot like “french kisses.” I was referring to how I hated all the these fringe cases when Amy and I were doing a CS109 problem set - I was met with a questionlng glance and “uh.. what french kisses?” I think CS stimulates desperate attempts at injecting life into the subject - Choosy moms choose iff.

I was called to help some people print to this $10000 printer that had FTP and telnet access the other day at work. They wanted to print to it from windows 95, so I figured out how to do that using a freeware TCP/IP driver for win95, but then telnetted to the printer to see that it didn’t like some of the windows’ postscript. So I installed a patch via FTP, rebooted and found that the printer was now inoperable, from any computer - a fault error. Apparently they’ll have to get it serviced. I guess it would have happened eventually anyway, but it’s just like my luck to put something so expensive out of commission on the first try. Rarely does it take a second visit to disable the latest technology.

Quote of the week:

Me: Did you get a good price on that camera?
Praj: Of course.
Me: I’m just asking because I might want to buy one someday.
Praj: Oh you can! One day….

Praj giving hope to those less fortunate among us… (He later apologized profusely when he realized how it sounded.)

What a response I got from my statement concerning girls on the last chronicle! Yeva, as far as I could gather from her immediate email, did not agree with my standpoint. Something about motivating my butt to write good poetry about how I lost to a girl in a rematch. Now, my butt may be pretty spectacular, even “poetic,” but sentient? Sensitive? Thoughtful? I think she gives it too much credit.

Yeva did, however, give me the nicest, most thoughtful gift for Valentines day. Here, take a look at it. This sign served ABSOLUTELY no purpose (except it’s “life” purpose - to hang on my wall) - it was mounted near a parking lot exit, and had no other explanatory signs in the vacinity. If anyone can tell me a purpose for such a sign, you may email me and I will send your prize money immediately.

An awful sickness has been sweeping through the entire Stanford campus recently. They say it strikes suddenly without the victim’s knowledge, and, similar to mad cow disease, incites the victim to make ridiculous logical connections and assumptions. I think a good name would be “mad human disease”… Fortunately, I am immune because I am a dandelion.

I programmed a Macintosh version of the classic game, “Simon” for my CS108 class. I entered the optional contest for coolest simon, since I made the window round and made it all graphical, looking like the original handheld machine. I would market it, but the original worked just as well, weighed 50 times less, and cost just pennies a day. (I’m ordering one from the internet for $4. I can’t wait!)

I nearly sliced my finger off cutting a piece of bread the other day. I just stared dumbly at it gushing blood down my arm until I started to feel weak, then I came to my senses and quit sawing with the knife. I’ve never cut myself with a knife before (not accidently anyway). I suppose I could have prevented it if I just had remembered the one simple rule of knife wielding. Umm… Straddle the knife with your fingers and cut away… No, let me see. Palm the object to be cut with your entire hand and cut towards yourself, wait … that’s not it. Ah ha. Grip the object under your chin, then cut towards your neck. I think that’s it, I should be ok next time I have to cut something…

Speaking of blood loss, I gave blood a couple of days ago with Yeva. Or rather, they sucked it out of me, I didn’t really hand it over. We got all you can eat cookies and juice after the de-juicing. It’s a great way to get juice and cookies, I was thinking I should just forge my identity every time I go down there, and give once a week or so. I only forsee one problem with that: I might run out of disguises. Blood isn’t really an issue - I drink a lot of Coke.

Quote of the week:

Beware the silent vegan. Or the loud vegan.

With that, I think I’ll take a nap.

It’s dinner time. I note this because I’m not eating dinner. Although tens, no, hundreds of Toyonites are flooding past my door in order to eat what could have been my food, the chicken wing that might have been my chicken wing… But I am not eating. I am typing. For you. I am sacrificing the prime spot in line I could have for you, because I love you. I …

Sorry, just got back from eating… What was I saying again? Oh well… Recently I’ve found that my motivation to do various cool things has increased. I want to be a poet, a cartoonist, and an artist… I also want to be a stuntman, a scorpio, and a library volunteer, but these roles aren’t so easy to jump into. Those library volunteer recruiters are a hard-nosed bunch; I’ve had more than my share of death threats from library goons after trying to get some inside info into job openings…

It’s been months since the pedal stripped and fell off my unicycle. I keep saying I’m going to get it fixed, but I never do. I think the unicycle has been looking pretty withdrawn lately, and I imagine if it were keeping an online journal, it would look something like this…

I got a supportive email from a “t ” about the chronicles. He refused to reveal what ethnic background the surname ” ” comes from, but nothing gets by the genius that is Bradley. A clue lies in where he attends school: Portland State University. As I recall, Portland is somewhere south of Santiago in Chile, so I think must be either hispanic or incan. BAM! Who’s all that? You know it girl!

I went go cart racing with Yeva a few days ago. After roaring through the finish line unchallenged, I took the customary winner’s lap (Why did that guy keep yelling “Stop! You only get 3 laps!”), then proceeded to graciously congratulate Yeva on her near win. “Ha ha ha! I win! I’m the best! I’m the king of the world!” She told me she thought they gave her a slower car, that she could have kept up if her car was as fast as mine. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that boys are just faster than girls, and girls can’t drive well. Or play air hockey.

It is now 3 AM. No, the chronicle didn’t take me 9 hours to write, although it would have taken YOU that long. Make sure you didn’t skip my cartoon link, I actually drew them. Night.

Quote of the week:

Alex: “The resolution on your little titty hairs is amazing!”

Please cite source if using this quote for a research paper.

It has come to my attention that my first few chronicles were a lot funnier than they have been recently. Someone suggested this may be because I’m maturing. If that’s the case, I want to stop maturing RIGHT NOW. Are maturity and humor mutually exclusive? Let me go back… Ahh, freshman year… The time of playing all night and sleeping all day… Here I am in a underground steam tunnel, lurking like the nocturnal rat I was through forgotten crevices. Onward! Graduation, prom… Stop for a moment - my first real kiss.

Me: “Well, I had a really good time…”
Her: “Me too… Might I get a kiss?”
Me: “Guess I’ll be goin’ now”
Her: “Kiss me.”
Me: “Night!”
Her: “Mmmph, smack!”
Me: “… … Let’s do that some more.”

We cannot stop though! 11th, 10th, 9th grade… Elementary school, preschool! Whoa…. What the? We’ve gone too far! I’m in the womb! No one’s funny in the womb! “So, I was feeding through my umbilical cord the other day and I really didn’t like what I was gettin’.. but it’s not like you can send it back, can ya!?”

I don’t think it’s maturity though… If people matured that fast, they wouldn’t see it coming, and midway through life, they would look around and realize they had lost their youth, have some sort of crisis, and would probably try to regain it in vain by buying fancy cars and having an affair. And that sounds just ridiculous doesn’t it?

A guy asked me to dance the other day. I thought he was kidding so I kind of laughed a “hey, good one” laugh. He just stood there expectantly, and I got a little uncomfortable, but didn’t want to offend, so I started to stand up… “Just kidding” he said, and I slid back into my seat, embarrassed. Why don’t people follow social rules?

I’m terribly sorry, but I MUST go to bed now.. Tomorrow at 8:45 I have social dance, and I don’t want to slump into my partner’s arms, snoring in time to the waltz beat.

Quote of the week:

Yeva: Sorry…

I’ve never laughed at one word so much as that one… I am still laughing.