I occasionally jot down ideas to remember for the next chronicle. Unfortunately, sometimes these notes give me no clue to what I was orignially thinking. I’m sure the following ideas were going to be extrordinarily funny, but you’ll just have to enjoy them in raw form, because I really don’t know what the heck my idea was:
Reptar, airplane, I had to laugh, said bite head off
Then I asked if they give blanks out to anyone, and…
Ha ha! Hmmm. Anyway, lately, I can’t get my mind off Tim. Tim Rueter. He is the man. So hot. So sculpted. The preceeding message is a paid advertisement for Tim Rueter, Inc., and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author or editor of the Chronicles.
By the way, I am now taking applications for “product placement” in the Chronicles. For a mere $50, I will inconspicuously pitch anything you want, much like the subtle placement of products in movies. No one will even realize they are being affected by my words of praise, invisible as they will be in the surrounding anecdotes. Email
A funny thing happened the other day. I was really thirsty, and I really didn’t know what to do, because the kitchen is so far away. I looked in my fridge, and there was an ice-cold, delicious Sprite. Ha ha ha! “This will make a good story,” I thought, and boy was I right. I really haven’t been the same since I drank Sprite. I have gained the admiration of my peers, and am now healthier and happier. Funny, huh? When you really think about it, image is nothing, isn’t it? Thirst is everything!
I went to the post office to pick up a package my parents sent me. You see, I forgot, ahh, quite a few pairs of underwear at home. That’s all. I can imagine if there were pictures of what we were all waiting for in that hour long line above our heads.. Pan along the line: CD’s, boyfriend she’s writing, passport forms, … underwear. Underwear, floating above my head. I love that song.
Well, I have more evidence that Gerhard Casper is evil. Prajna and I were riding along the street in front of the quad, and boom! Who jumps out in front of us to try and throw me off balance and into a fatal fall, but … Gerhard Casper. Ok, he didn’t exactly jump, but he was walking very quickly with his hands carelessly folded behind his back, head carelessly down, carelessly not watching for oncoming traffic. I know what you’re thinking, but NO, it wasn’t an accident – he kept looking back over his shoulder to see if his assasination attempt was successful! And later, he walked by my house! Look out folks, Casper’s not just a friendly ghost anymore. He’s a university president/professional killer out to get me. See my Gerhard enemy page for more info, including evidence of his supernatural evil powers.
Saturday, October 16th marked the dawn of a new day in my development. A whole new realm, a higher tier, an evolutionary leap in my ability to attack whatever life throws at me. In this case, life (well, In’n'Out, same thing), threw a 6 by 6 at me. A 6×6, for the uneducated, is 6 patties and 6 slices of cheese, with the usual two buns and fixings (I have pictures, I’ll post ‘em soon). It was, basically, the beef equivalent of heaven. I also had fries, three Dr. Peppers, and a little later, two scoops of ice cream and a slice of cake. Thanks to the In’N'Out nutrition guide, I compliled some approximate statistics of this meal:
Calories – ~2500
Fat – ~150 grams (230% daily value)
Cows that had to die – ~2
Sodium – ~4000 mg
Net weight – ~1 kilogram
Chickens that had to die – ~0
Why? – HAMburger, dummy
But isn’t ham pig meat? – Shut up
You’re an idio… – Do you want to die?
*Based on a 2,000 calorie diet
Quote of the week:
Amy: It’s like DNA. You could eat a piece of pizza, and grow a baby.