Phew, I must have fallen asleep there… I just finished my 11.21.99 entry, and.. What time is it? OH my God! I didn’t just fall asleep for 8 months. Yes, you did. Whoa. Well, let’s get started then, shall we?

Apparently while I was asleep, I got a job at Homestead.com. It seems like it will be very fun. Homestead makes it very easy to build elegant, professional websites like this: “Best Site for Teens”. I have business cards. They say “Brad Bozarth, Software Development Team.” And I hear, that if played during a “Magic” role playing card game, it will cause all opposing female cards to swoon, rendering them useless for the duration of the round. Only half of the opposing male cards will swoon.

I really like having conversations with myself. Why is that? Well, I suppose because I can get a completely understanding party who will always listen and not hit me. But doesn’t that render the conversation meaningless? I mean, someone who always agrees with you and won’t hit you is a boring person. Hey, maybe you’re just jealous? Have you tried it? No, I’m not an idiot like you. Why are you lying to him? You know we talk all the time! Shut up! I don’t need you right now! Ah ha! Call me an idiot will you? You’re not only an idiot, you’re a hypocrite! You can both step into traffic, you spineless technoweenies. That’s it, you’re dead. Agreed, jump ‘im. [SMACK!] [WHACK!] [THUD]. Ow! Ow! Ow!

OK, turn off the internal mono, er dia, er.. trialog, before we kill myselves. Hmm… So, I was thinking, and it occurred to me that not everyone will enjoy things I’ve written thusfar in the Chronicles. So, I would like to write something that everyone will like. I mean everyone. Thus, the next paragraph will appeal to you. Whether you are Janet Reno or Bill Gates, Chuck D or Lars Ulrich, Superman or Lex Luthor, an intelligent being or a “Scary Movie” fan… You’ll like it.

Ok, so now you get to experience THIS CONTENT HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE U.N., AS PER INTERNATIONAL TREATY #552093A. PLEASE FORMAT YOUR HARD DRIVE AND REBOOT YOUR COMPUTER. OR YOU WILL BE SHOT. FOUR TIMES. WHILE LISTENING TO “THE WORLD’S WORST POLKA.” WE’RE THE U.N. … WE CAN DO THIS SORT OF THING. WE ONCE RENAMED A COUNTRY TO “SUCKLAND”, YOU DON’T THINK WE CAN SHOOT YOU?

Well, wasn’t that great? I don’t want to bring down Stanford’s servers, though, so I’ll refrain from writing universally appealing material from
now on. After all, someone’s got to offend people, right? How about Kathie Lee Gifford? I’ll pick on her. She is soooooooo THIS IS KATHY LEE GIFFORD. LEAVE THIS WEBSITE OR I WILL SEND YOUR SOUL DIRECTLY TO HELL. AND IF I HEAR ONE MORE “CODY” JOKE I WILL PERSONALLY ANNIHILATE THE UNIVERSE. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

I was just thinking, I’m so glad we live in a free country where I can say anything without being THIS IS THE BACKSTREET BOYS. WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF EVERY ONE MAKING FUN OF US. WE ARE TALENTED ARTISTS, OK!? OK, BYE BYE BYE.

Ok, you’ve read enough for today, it’s time for you to eat.

Quote of the week, seen on a homestead discussion board:

There is a point where you can make things so easy they become hard.

Take, for instance, subatomic physics. Why couldn’t they have stopped making it easier and easier? What’s next? Breathing? STOP MAKING THINGS EASIER!