Your question echoes one anticipated by Paul two thousand years ago, and touches a lot of issues: Why is there evil in the world if God is all-powerful? Why do we sin if God made us? How can God be in total control, yet allow people to make choices? Paul was talking about how God had a plan for everyone, and how our striving didn’t matter. Kind of fatalistic, eh? But elsewhere Paul says to press on, like a marathon runner. Anyway, the passage your question really reminded me of was:

One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?” But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’

That’s Romans 9:19-20… Within the same verse, Paul twists the question around on itself in an infinite loop. This is hard to think about for me, kind of like imaginary numbers and infinity. Why did God make me such that I rebel against him? God encourages us to ask questions and look for him, and promises to show himself to us if we do (”Seek and ye shall find”). But this question is thinly veiled raw rebellion - fundamental questioning of God’s authority. God gives us free will, and wide pastures to play in, and promises to satisfy our deepest desires - IF we but follow him and submit to him. He draws the line at us usurping his authority - that’s called evil. That’s what Lucifer wanted: equality with God. So this question is one that, I believe, is an acid test. There is no simple, black and white answer. But our response to the question reflects our heart. “It doesn’t make sense that God would create me this way! I don’t believe in God.” or perhaps “I can’t hope to gain parity with the mind of God in understanding this mystery that brought me to You, I bow before You.” (1 Corinthians 2 talks more about struggling with things that we cannot understand except through faith).

Jesus will endure intense scrutiny, just not usurping. He spoke with authority and love, as only God could. Relationship with him has satisfied my deepest desires, and when I leave him out of my day, the yearning drives me crazy. But leaving him out intentionally is a funny thing - like a hit of cocaine (or so I imagine), it only satisfies my craving for a minute - for a minute I’m in control, but I’m not God, and “things fall apart.” He doesn’t disappoint if I come back with an open heart - he fills it. And with a peace that comes from seeing someone much, much, bigger than myself - infinitely more so - lovingly showing me exactly what I need to know, no more, no less. I’ve had too many “WOW, thank you” moments to count.

One final analogy, lest faith in Christ appear like walking on an invisible bridge (I love that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), while “science” is a sidewalk. I believe in God. I question constantly what I know about him. I believe in the laws of physics. I question constantly what I know about them. Just because a scientist comes up against a mystery doesn’t mean he starts to think science is impossible and fruitless (if he’s a good scientist). Tell me this: is light a wave or a particle? Just because you can’t answer me with a black and white response, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in the sun and don’t enjoy its rays. Is God in control of the universe, or do we have free will to rebel against him? I think the dual nature of light is a reflection of this seeming contradiction. Somehow both are true. Somehow, in a way our human minds cannot fathom, God reconciles all the free wills in the universe with his overarching plan. Somehow, he creates in us a desire for himself that cannot be completely satisfied while we are alive, yet asks us to persevere in following him. Somehow Jesus was fully God, and yet fully human. Somehow all these things are true, because God is God and I am not. And what peace comes from submitting. Jesus says to seek and we will find. But we must be prepared for the reality that there will ALWAYS be another question - God is infinite. And the greatest mystery of all, Jesus, is also our satisfaction, our salvation, our life. The theory is mysterious enough, but the relationship has that mystery that we constantly look for in a mate, a pursuit, or an experience and never really find.

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead. When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” (Colossians 2:9-15)