After being spurned by their would-be lover Yahoo, Microsoft attempted to woo the coy bird. Unfortunately, Microsoft, though admittedly rich and powerful, struggles to set the romantic mood. Looking very much like their personification in the Mac switcher ads, Microsoft comes on a little too strong to be using words like “embrace” and “consummate”. Some will accuse me of cherry picking quotes, but these are actual excerpts from Microsoft’s response to Yahoo’s demure refusal to get hitched. As is standard practice in the press, I’ve used “…” to condense their statements (only when necessary, of course)… (poetry quotery best read aloud, beatnik style).

—

“It is unfortunate that Yahoo! has not embraced our full … offering”
“Base… number two … we have”
“Base… number two … does not … provide…unity”
“Yahoo! has no…ring”
“and … so… Microsoft… will … sing”
“our … proposal … we … will …sing”
“…”
“Yahoo! … our … fair …pet…!”
“we are confident”
“we are … great”
“we are … a compelling number two”
“we are … moving”
“moving forward…!”
“we are … moving … to pursue”
“Yahoo! … Yahoo! … Yahoo!”
“we are … moving … to … the right”
“and … we have … the right … steps”
“we are … moving … in”
“easing… in”
“Yahoo! … is … the best”
“It is … increasingly exciting … becoming better positioned to…”
“Yahoo! … Yahoo! … Yahoo!”
“we are … moving … to consummate”
“moving forward … to consummate”
“for… that … embrace…, that … exciting … position…”
“o!”