I’m reading a book called Balancing Your Family, Faith & Work by Pat Gelsinger. Pat is the Senior VP in charge of the biggest technology group at Intel, the Digital Enterprise Group. I wanted to record here some of the ideas that impacted me and why.

When my time on earth is complete I want to be like Paul and have run the good race (2 Tim. 4:7) and used up every ounce of energy, minute of time, and dollar of resources for his purpose and kingdom.

I think I’ve had this idea in the back of my head for a long time, and have feared it. I feared what I would lose by trying to ‘give my all.’ But lately, I’ve been seeing that living this way yields the most satisfaction. What is satisfaction? I think it’s essentially our closeness to perfection (in abstract) or how close our heart is God (what to actually pursue). This equation comes about when pursuing perfection if “perfection” is a personal God.

Everyone derives satisfaction from all sorts of things on a short and long term basis. Eating a great meal is a small bump in our satisfaction level over a short period of time. Being happily married and raising a family can be a large source of satisfaction over a long period of time. But every experience in our life can operate in isolation, or contribute to the slope of our life over time as time goes to eternity (infinity in the x axis). Are we using and allowing experiences to bring us closer to perfection and keep us there (infinity in the y axis)? I.e. do we change for the better - become closer to God? Or do we return to where we were?

I think of the satisfaction bumps as divine updrafts - blessings from God. But we don’t have wings. We don’t have the means to approach heaven over an infinity of time (consistently change for the better and grow closer to God). The only one who can forever bring us along closer to infinity is infinity Himself. Our own efforts at life result in death by chaos (sin) or death by crystallization (law). We don’t have a source of eternal life within us. If we are to gain ever greater satisfaction, we need to put to death our independence and rely on God. God has made this possible by creating a space/time connection to us through Jesus. He enables us to relate to the infinite without being burned away in our imperfection. He provides our perfect example. And obeying Him as Lord gives us the wings we need to approach x/y infinity (eternity/perfection).

Cheesy graphs NOT TO SCALE. ENLARGED TO SHOW TEXTURE. INFINITY NOT DEPICTED.
Satisfaction in Ourselves	Satisfaction in Christ

As I was reading this book I rediscovered that this process isn’t completely about sacrifice and self-denial. It is the most rewarding path possible. My fears were real, but unfounded. The key is Christ - without Him, I do have the downslope of every temporal satisfaction to look forward to. With Him, I can look forward to infinite love and joy.

Moses describes in this way the righteousness that is by the law: “The man who does these things will live by them.” But the righteousness that is by faith says: “Do not say in your heart, ‘Who will ascend into heaven?’” (that is, to bring Christ down) “or ‘Who will descend into the deep?’” (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the word of faith we are proclaiming: That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:5-10)

We see examples all around of both means of gaining life in this modern world. Whether it is attempting to stand tall upon the towering pillars of data we have accumulated, or profit richly by distributing computational power to ensure all the 1s and 0s are in their proper places. Convergence upon a goal using larger, higher-level, more powerful logical/functional blocks: ascend to heaven/bring Christ down. Distributed, p2p, grid, emergent intelligence: descend into the deep/bring Christ up from the dead. Putting God in a large or many small boxes, but contain Him nonetheless. Truly knowing Him requires us to release this control, nay, hope of control, for it is impossible to digitize infinity. Knowing Him, not in the factual sense, for that is oxymoronic, but in the relationship sense, is what we are called to, and what will satisfy us on an eternal scale. We have a choice: eat from the tree of knowledge and “master” the universe one predictable, discrete step at a time (until we die), or eat the bread of life, and be plunged into an unpredictable, continuous love story. He promises a happy ending, but we cannot RFID tag the actors and plug the variables into a massive grid computer to assure the outcome. We must trust Him, and doing so requires a dynamic, developing relationship. Crystallized stasis, finite understanding, and assurance of the physical universe are promised by the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Abundant life, living water and assurance of nothing but unbounded, eternal love from an infinite, unpredictable God are promised by Jesus. Rule of law, or freedom in Spirit - which will you choose?

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. (John 3:8)

Taking a cue from some other blogs I’ve seen, I’m responding to a comment as another entry, since my response is so long…

If this is the same Brad I know from Stanford–Long time no see, and long time no late night discussion. I enjoyed reading this entry and the others on this page, but I wanted to bring up one aspect of the Eden story that has always puzzled me. Everything you have already said makes sense, but how do you reconcile the idea that Adam and Eve were created with an innocent nature, without knowledge of good and evil, with the fact that they are expected by their creator to make the most important decision for humankind until the coming of the Christ? To me, that has always seemed on some level to be unfair. Let me know what you think.

This is the same Brad! Long time no see indeed! I’ll email ya to catch up, but talk Eden here.

That’s a great question. It’s had me thinking and writing and talking all evening. I think it’s especially difficult to answer because it is prodding at the essential nature of reality, looking for the source and nature of human free will. You say it seems unfair on some level - I agree. But can we come up with a scheme that is fair, and still provides innocent Adam and Eve with real choice?

In the moment of decision, could innocent Eve (not knowing good and evil) have “fairly” chosen good when faced with good and evil? On the one hand, she had God’s command. On the other, a serpent (who, not unimportantly, was placed under mankind in authority), directly contradicting God.

At this point, I think it’s important to realize a couple of things. The underlying hebrew term for knowledge in “tree of knowledge of good and evil” is not mere intellectual awareness, but intimate, experiential knowledge. And evil, rather than being an independent thing, is really the lack of good. Or, put another way, separation from good - God. With God as the only ultimate standard of good, evil is defined by his absence. The tree of knowledge of good and evil therefore, was a huge gift. It allowed us to define good, and therefore evil, not by God, but by Self, and therefore to exercise either true independence, or true dependence on God. God knew it would appear good to Eve’s eyes - that is why he prepared her with the command. Her choice was therefore not as abstract as it might at first seem, thinking about her as a blank slate. She decided to define good as what “looked right in her own eyes,” rather than believe God’s word to her.

I would argue that Adam and Eve were not in a unique position - they had the same opportunity we have. They did “know” (though they had not yet experienced) good from evil. Another way to label those concepts is life and death. God told them that eating from just that one tree would lead to their death. Thus, he set up the easiest to understand world with true choice imaginable, giving them his Word that (A) was good (From any tree of the garden you may eat freely) and (B) was evil (from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die).

So, I believe the garden of Eden story is there to lay out for us what God intends for us (life pre-Fall), what opportunity we have to define what is good in our own eyes and reject what God intends for us, what results from both obedience and disobedience, and finally how God loves us enough to hold out life to us in spite of our disobedience. It’s critical to realize Adam and Eve didn’t need experiential knowledge of death to trust God’s word. God was able to create us all with free will while knowing and preparing for all our free choices - that’s what omnipotence combined with omniscience implies, though it’s unfathomable to our finite minds.

Finally, I think the notion of unfairness is the crux of this question. One definition from dictionary.com:

Not fair; marked by injustice or partiality or deception.

Essentially, was God unjust in giving them the freedom to experience death, even if he gave them the knowledge they might have used to stay protected and experiencing life to the full? Asking that question, admitting that it appears unfair, is fine. The forbidden fruit appeared good to Eve because of her finite knowledge and an active deceiver. But if you answer that question affirmatively in your heart, you are defining a standard of good independent of God, and are furthermore judging the hearts of Adam and Eve since you know they didn’t have a “fair” opportunity to avoid plunging mankind into sin. Finally, you are not believing God’s word: “He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” (Deuteronomy 32:4).

This story, like Romans 9, ends up turning our eyes inward the more we question the justice of it all. In the end, we cannot speak for Adam, Eve, Esau, or Pharaoh. We do not know their personal experience, for that is between them and God. If we look deeper, acknowledging we can only truly judge our own personal struggle, we may cry out “Indeed, I have rejected you and decided for myself what is right - why did you make me this way!?” In this moment, all is stripped bare but the eternal struggle each of us faces not just at one finite moment, but continually, all our life. What is left before us is the same choice Adam and Eve faced: to believe that God is fair and good, meaning we should trust his Word and obey him, or to believe the serpent - our own eyes are the best standard for right and wrong. We ask a good God why he made us such that we sin. If we judge him unjust, we set ourselves higher and apart from God and choose death, since he alone is the source and sustainer of life. If we instead believe his Word and assert him as fair in spite of our own shortcomings, “he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) All he wants is our relationship, but we cannot relate to him in truth unless we acknowledge our dependence on him. I’ve asked this question in various forms so many times, and God never “answers” me, he just waits with open arms.

Not just an arbitrary plot, Eden reflects the elements of your and my daily life, and looks forward to the Word of God becoming flesh, dying that we might live if we will trust him and enter into the most fulfilling relationship possible. From the NIV study notes in my bible:

The antagonism between people and snakes is used to symbolize the outcome of the titanic struggle between God and the evil one, a struggle played out in the hearts and history of mankind. The offspring of the woman would eventually crush the serpent’s head, a promise fulfilled in Christ’s victory over Satan–a victory in which all believers will share (see Ro 16:20).

So, was it fair? Yes. Justification? God. Satisfying answer? Only if you trust him. If so, its not only satisfying, it displays the greatest truth we know: God loves us, wants a real relationship with us, and promises life overflowing if we believe him.

On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.” John 7:37-38)

There have been quite a few times in my life when I pleaded with God, “Please, just let me know you are really there, and I’ll be able to serve you so much better.” Or, in lower moments, “Just show me a sign, and I’ll believe in you.”

The reason these requests are fruitless is due to an absolutely critical distinction: what is God’s purpose with us?

I am competitive, often more so than I should be, as I lose sight of what is truly important in pursuit of one goal: to win. And when I asked the above questions, I was projecting that “must win” attitude on God. I wasn’t giving enough credit to God - in my mind, God thought “Ok guys, now just everybody admit that Christianity is right, and ditch all your pagan beliefs, and acknowledge I’m God, and we’ll be done, ok? Until then, deal with this sucky world, and good luck to ya.”

But God’s purpose is not to gain everyone’s approval and (possibly grudging) respect. His purpose is to be our God, our friend, our first love. And developing a real relationship doesn’t happen through shows of force. He might use a show of force to get our attention, but he doesn’t play puppeteer, pulling all our strings to “win” in the end. Neither is he hands off. He speaks to us that we might love him, and follow him - not just acknowledge his presence and hugeness. Jesus related a story about a man sent to a place without God there to interpose on his affairs. Of course, once he got there, it didn’t seem so great. The last part shows that a big miracle won’t accomplish God’s purpose with us.

“He answered, `Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

Abraham replied, `They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

`No, father Abraham,’ he said, `but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

“He said to him, `If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’” (Luke 16:27-31)

They would, of course, be convinced that something crazy was going on. Did they take too many sleeping pills last night? But their hearts would not be softened. The reverse of the following would be true…

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:16)

I think the “eternal” in “eternal life” is more of a quality than a quantity. It is an absolute. It is that which we all long for, we all strive for — that which God offers to us for free even as we try to grasp or earn it ourselves. What do people desire? Money, toys, power, fame, love from others, knowledge… Yet running after these is like trying to fill an infinitely deep hole with buckets of water. We know we want water, but we can’t get enough.

Jesus used water as an analogy for eternal life, calling it “living water.” The woman at the well he met in Samaria was looking for ordinary water when she met Jesus.

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)

Relationship and belief in God make up eternal life. Eternal life is not a harp and wings after we die. Eternal life is not even a description of a timeframe. Eternal life is the spirit God gives us through his Son, something which does not, cannot, stand on its own, but rather informs and enriches everything we are and do. And the death of our bodies does not mean the death of this spirit. On the contrary, we are “dead” until we know Jesus.

“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life. I tell you the truth, a time is coming and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear will live. For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son to have life in himself.” (John 5:24-27)

Our eternal life begins and ends with God’s spirit within us, made possible through Jesus’ life and death. It’s a present reality, and physical death will only result in being free of the bonds of this limited body.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body. (Philippians 3:20-21)

Our relationship with God is something that will last forever. In fact, it is the only thing we have that is guaranteed to last forever. And praise God, we need not “work” at it with some kind of ultimate delayed gratification in mind. We are citizens of heaven when we believe, and His rewards are bountiful in this life as well as after it. Does being a follower of Jesus require sacrifice? Yes and no. When we believe, when we really seek Him, our values change. We become willing to give up what the world deems success for what God wants for us. A rich man asked Jesus for a shortcut — a managable “chunk” of goodness that he could add to his life to experience what he knew he was missing, though he was rich (Matthew 19:16-26). Eternal life doesn’t work that way. Believing Jesus means accepting who he says he is - Lord. And accepting Him as Lord means displacing yourself in that position. So yes, we must give up our right to be in control. But in return we “have life, and have it to the full.”

Martyred missionary Jim Elliot summed up this exchange of fleeting life for eternal life: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”